my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
