paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I believe in your delicious
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
