I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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