Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
