A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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