if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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