So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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