I'm so fucking centered right now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
