I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
