Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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