Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
