I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
