You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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