you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
