Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
