they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
