Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
