its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
