Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
