It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
