you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
