jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i think i just lost a toe
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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