just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize