But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
