My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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