She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
