Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
