i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
