hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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