Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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