People in love make me want to vomit
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This baby is an asshole
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
