if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
