I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
