im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
