he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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