we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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