I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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