For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
