so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
