Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
