ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
