do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
