I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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