Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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