apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize