the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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