So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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