Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
