this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she smelled like a LAN party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
