I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
