What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
