i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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