We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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