So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
