The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
