I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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