Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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