Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
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So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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