I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
