dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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