I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
