oh god the rape fog is back!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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