The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
