i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
